I’m just rubbish

The last month or so has been disappointing.
I rolled into the new year feeling positive, full of vim and vigour and determined to make positive changes and feel happier.  And for a short time it worked. 
On 3rd January I joined weight watchers and felt like I was completely In The Zone, somewhere I hadn’t been in a good 3 years.  I was enjoying the things that I was eating and found that so long as I wasn’t overly ambitious, I did have the energy to cook low fat, delicious food in the evenings.  I present to you, for example, my chicken fatteh:
But then things started to go a little bit wrong.  I tripped over an uneven paving stone on the way home from work (yes, I was sober) and ended up in a huge amount of pain.  My energy levels took a dive and I started to struggle.  A week later, I ate oysters and started vomiting…and vomiting…and vomiting.  I had 4 days off work and have been feeling pretty shocking since I returned which was almost 2 weeks ago.
As if that isn’t enough, I now have a horrible cold and chest infection and I feel dreadful.  I can’t sleep, my spirits are incredibly low, I have no energy.  The thought of having to see people and do anything is completely overwhelming (Dear friends, I love you, honest.  Please don’t hate me.) 
I have fallen off the weight watchers wagon after losing 8 ½ pounds in 4 weeks.  I couldn’t go today to face up to the damage because I was trying (and failing) to get antibiotics.  I’m slightly relieved as I just can’t face the disappointment and disgust with myself. 
Fat Fran isn’t getting Fin.  I’m horribly aware that I’m going to Australia in 2 months and I’m going to be a huge fatty which is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. 
I just can’t make this work.

9 thoughts on “I’m just rubbish

  1. Poor you :(You're not rubbish At All, though – you are awesome.And you totally can still make it work – it's just that you've had some setbacks.All the ill/hurty crap is obviously not going to help – would be the same for anyone – it just makes everything so hard.Don't be disheartened – you can totally Still Win.And you WILL feel better – I promise.And everyone totally loves you 🙂

  2. Fran, you're my friend, so please don't hate me for for this. Here comes the tough love. You've had a setback. In fact you've had a series of setbacks. And boy do they sound sucky. But you're feeling sorry for yourself and letting them ruin your resolve. You're letting the setbacks undo your hard – and might I add, effective – hard work. You lost over half a stone in four weeks. You've proved to yourself that in actual fact you can make it work.It's hard. It can feel overhwelmingly tough. But that will only make the results sweeter. First – get yourself back to full strength and health. Second – get back on the wagon and make yourself proud. Finally – enjoy yourself while you do it. In fact, you've inspired me. I need to make the same effort and practice what I preach.

  3. Fran, have you considered hypnotherapy? I know it may seem a load of quackery but check out this site http://www.georgiafoster.comShe does workshops as well as one-to-one sessions and focuses on drinking, weightloss and stress… I've been to see her (as a sceptic) and it works because she gives you personalised recordings to listen to to keep up the effect of the hypnosis at home.

  4. @Miss W – I love you tooooooooooo! I so want to feel better. I appear to be coughing up blood today which is fun, fun, fun. I must WIN though…don't let me eat anything but kale.@Janie – that's your tough love?! I was scared, I thought you were gong to be mean. You're totally right, I am feeling very sorry for myself. I'm feeling enormously fed up at just one thing on top of another on top of another. I don't know how to get myself better and healthy.@G – I had hypnotherapy a few years ago – saidly it didn't do anything for me long term. I'll have a look at that website though, thank you.

  5. Also, suggest you forget this week in terms of the diet. Stay in (you say you don't feel like seeing anyone anyway so that should be easy) and look after yourself in terms of getting over the infection. Cut down on the booze this week as a) it won't help with the insomnia and b) it will make you more depressed (I should know). You won't be able to face up to a challenge if you feel ill and down.Then start afresh next week.Also, it's great that everyone is sending you positive thoughts and words, but you need to believe in yourself first. Only then will you break this cycle. You lost a stone in 4 weeks, that's a bloody good achievement! Doesn't this prove to you that you CAN do it?

  6. @G – I'm not drinking much at all at the moment because it just makes me feel terrible. Drank only 5 times in January in total. So that's a definite positive. (PS it was only just over half a stone, not a whole one!!)

  7. Fran, honey – I know exactly what it's like to feel so miserable and low. But you will get better. Don't think about the diet, like G says. Just take it nice and easy and stop the stressing. The more you beat yourself up about things and lament your current situation the harder it is to pull yourself out of the hole. You've got lots of friends who support you, but ultimately it comes down to you. Either you decide to do it or you decide not to and move on. But wallowing in self-pity won't get you anywhere and you'll stay miserable.For what it's worth, I think you absolutely can do it.

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